Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
