did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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