Already got asked if we're dating
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
