We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
