I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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