So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize