Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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