somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
