is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
