..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
