I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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