so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
