i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
