my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
