I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
