My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize