I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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