3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
