I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
