and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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