I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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