He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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