you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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