WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
