you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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