it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
