I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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