Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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