The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
