Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
