I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
