On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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