I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
