I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
