the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
