were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
