guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I feel great
I just peed on a car
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
