we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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