she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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