seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My ass is underappreciated
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
