i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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