dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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