operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's rum buckets o'clock
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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