This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
