...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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