Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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