Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
