i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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