Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
