what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
