so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
