I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Are we still banned from the library?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
