Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
