I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
