First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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