Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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