I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
