I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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