Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
