is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
