Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
