I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
