I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
