Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
