Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
