I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
