if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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